Las Vegas, NV** – In a twist that has left motorsports fans baffled and amused, **16-time NHRA Funny Car champion John Force** (erroneously dubbed a “legendary F1 star” in press releases) today announced his retirement—*just hours after signing a 3-year contract extension* with John Force Racing (JFR) to compete in the NHRA Mission Foods Drag Racing Series through 2028.The Whiplash Announcement**
– **Initial Headline**: Earlier today, JFR proudly announced Force’s extension, citing his “unstoppable passion” despite his **2024 near-fatal crash** in Virginia (where he suffered a traumatic brain injury at 300+ mph).
– **Plot Twist**: At a post-signing press conference, Force, 75, grinned and declared: *”I’m retiring… from bein’ retired! I’ll quit when I’m dead!”*—prompting his daughter Brittany to facepalm live on ESPN.
– **F1 Fantasies**: Force joked about “finally getting that Ferrari seat” after NHRA’s 2025 schedule clash with Monaco GP left him “dreamin’ of hairpin turns”.
– **Reality Check**: The NHRA clarified that Force’s “F1 ambitions” were a nod to his **1970s stint as a Formula 5000 mechanic**—long before his 157 Funny Car wins.
– **NHRA Loyalists**: “Classic Force. Dude’s trolled us since the Reagan era,” tweeted a fan.
– **F1 World**: Mercedes’ Toto Wolff quipped, *”If he wants a pit-stop challenge, we’re game”*
Force will race at the **2025 Gatornationals** (March 6–9) while “therapy keeps me sharper than a Red Bull undercut”. His team confirmed: *”The only ‘retirement’ here is from sanity.
– **Real Context**: Force *is* recovering from his 2024 crash but remains active in NHRA management.
– **F1 Angle**: Pure satire—Force has never raced in F1, though his **nitromethane-powered antics** could give Verstappen a scare.