NOW STREAMING ON NETFLIX: DIVE INTO THE LORDI
They came out of nowhere.
One day, the charts were full of synth-pop and brooding indie ballads, and the next, it was *LORDI*. Leather, chains, growls, and pyrotechnics—like some infernal gate had been flung open, and out came five monsters in platform boots playing stadium-shaking heavy metal.
It wasn’t just the music. It was the myth.
Netflix had promoted the new documentary with that ominous tagline: *“Now Streaming: Dive into the LORDI.”* At first glance, it was just another rockumentary, featuring old rehearsal footage, grainy tour videos, and cryptic interviews in dim hotel rooms.
But something about it… didn’t feel right.
—
“*What’s the big deal?*” asked Jess, slumped on the couch with a slice of cold pizza.
“It’s not just about the band,” her roommate Dylan said, scrolling through Reddit. “There’s a whole thread on r/UnresolvedMysteries about how people went missing after watching the doc.”
Jess rolled her eyes. “That’s just viral marketing. Like *The Ring*, but with more eyeliner.”
Dylan didn’t look convinced.
Still, they watched it.
—
The documentary began like any other: a low growl of a voiceover, panning shots of snow-covered Finnish forests, and the phrase: *“The mask is not the disguise. It is the truth.”*
Then came the footage—LORDI on stage, a cacophony of claws, gore, and face paint. Jess laughed at the over-the-top theatrics, but something about the lead singer’s eyes behind the mask—burning, ancient—made her sit up straighter.
As the film unfolded, it took a turn. It didn’t just document the band’s rise to fame. It claimed that LORDI wasn’t formed—they were summoned.
An obscure metal scholar interviewed in a candlelit study explained that the band had first appeared in Scandinavian folklore centuries ago. “The LORDI are not men playing monsters,” he said. “They are monsters playing men.”
Dylan paused the film. “This is fake, right? This is some Blair Witch nonsense.”
But Jess couldn’t stop watching.
Every clip from a concert showed strange shapes in the fog. In one frame, an audience member stood motionless, eyes glowing faintly red. Another scene showed an inexplicable blackout during a gig in Berlin, after which half the venue had reportedly “walked into the woods and never came back.”
The screen went black.
No credits. No outro music.
Just a final message:
**“TO DIVE INTO THE LORDI IS TO AWAKEN WHAT SLEEPS BENEATH.”**
—
That night, Jess dreamt of drums echoing from deep underground. Of a voice like molten steel whispering her name. She woke up at 3:06 a.m.—the TV screen flickering silently in static.
Dylan was gone.
His phone sat on the coffee table, a LORDI music video looping on screen. Jess picked it up. The contact list had been wiped clean except for one name: *Amen the Unstoppable*.
She tried to call, but the phone heated in her hand and died.
Outside the apartment, the air was unnaturally still. No wind, no city sounds. Just a low hum—as if the earth itself was singing.
—
Jess followed the trail Dylan left—his Reddit account showed his last post was in a thread titled *”They Play the Deep Chords”* with a GPS coordinate linked in the comments.
It led to an abandoned soundstage on the edge of town.
Inside: silence.
Until she heard it—faintly at first, then louder. The unmistakable rhythm of LORDI’s “Would You Love a Monsterman?” echoing down a dark corridor.
She moved toward the sound, her heart pounding in sync with the drums.
Through a broken door, she entered a massive room lit by glowing red amplifiers. There stood the band—full regalia, as if they’d stepped from the screen.
Except this wasn’t a concert.
This was a ritual.
Dylan was in the center, eyes closed, lips moving. Chanting.
Mr. Lordi raised a massive, clawed hand. “You watched. You opened the gate. You heard the call.”
Jess stepped back.
“Why Dylan?” she whispered.
The demon in leather smiled. “He listened. Now he belongs.”
The ground beneath them cracked—lightning shooting through the seams of reality. From the rift below rose ancient sounds—basslines deep enough to fracture stone.
Jess tried to run.
Too late.
The music engulfed her. The sound was not heard—it *possessed*.
—
She woke up three days later in her apartment.
The TV was off. The room normal.
Dylan sat beside her, eating cereal like nothing had happened.
“Bad dream?” he asked.
She stared at him. “Where did you go?”
He smiled. “We went on tour.”
“What?”
“You’ll see.” He handed her the remote.
On the screen: **“Continue Watching: Dive into the LORDI.”**
She tried to turn it off.
It wouldn’t budge.
The logo began to pulse—each throb syncing with the beat of her heart.
From the speakers: *“You are one of us now.”*
—
Weeks passed.
Across the world, reports of missing persons ticked upward. All last seen watching the same Netflix documentary. A few reappeared, their eyes vacant, singing in tongues.
Others… didn’t.
And LORDI’s new album? Number one in 32 countries. Played in every club, every gym, every mall.
The deeper the world dove into the LORDI, the more the barrier thinned.
And beneath it all, something old… listened.
—
So go ahead. Watch it. Hit
play. Dive in.
But don’t say you weren’t warned.